The Problem With LinkedIn Endorsements

Now that LinkedIn allows people to endorse others, I am getting endorsements from people I either don’t know or whom I have never worked with. I appreciate their compliments and desire to please, but how can someone endorse me as a speaker when they have never met me, much less heard me speak?

I feel I am losing credibility by having a stranger endorse me. If I want a recommendation or a testimonial, I ask my clients. Only clients and business associates can endorse me, as they are the only ones who can really vouch for my skills. It just makes me crazy! Am I wrong?

I encourage people to keep their kind words for people whose work they actually know and have first-hand experience with. I also wish LinkedIn would get rid of that feature. Another friend recently complained that she often gets endorsements from people she vaguely knows, which is nice, but it appears that they are only doing it so that she will endorse them in return. Or, people will endorse her for skills that aren’t really relevant to her current job and career path.

If you want to speak glowingly about someone’s work, save it for a recommendation, which carries more weight.

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Be a Good Dinner Companion

About a year ago I had a dinner meeting with a woman who was interested in doing business together. She didn’t know Atlanta well, so she asked me to pick a restaurant and make the reservation. I chose a great little place that was centrally located, famed for its delicious cuisine, and elegant without being expensive or stuffy.

I was happy with my choice, but from the moment we sat down the woman could only complain about every little thing. The service was too slow. She didn’t like the table décor. The wine list wasn’t extensive enough, and there weren’t enough dishes to accommodate her gluten-free diet (which she hadn’t mentioned when she asked me to pick a place). I felt that everything had been lovely—besides the company. I knew right then and there that I didn’t want to work with someone who was so critical.

Complaining and whining and just generally being difficult can really affect how people see you. Who wants to dine with someone who is rude to the waitstaff or can’t take half a second to appreciate the moment? Even if the restaurant was truly terrible, it’s unproductive to complain about it the entire time. I’d rather deal with the issue and then move on with a shrug and a smile. I’m sure this woman’s aggressiveness had been an asset in her career, but it rubbed me the wrong way. I felt embarrassed at her behavior and anxious to call it a night.

The next time you’re dining out or socializing with others, wait a moment before voicing a complaint. Are you being petty? Are you just venting because you’ve had a bad day? Will whining actually make the situation better? Or should you shrug it off and try to be good company? I vote for the latter!

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Don’t Be a Bad Borrower

A friend of mine recently loaned her neighbor a suitcase for a trip she was taking. The neighbor returned from her vacation weeks ago, but has made no mention of returning the suitcase. Now my friend has a trip of her own coming up soon, and she needs the suitcase back. Funnily enough, she told me that she feels guilty asking for it back! I told her that her neighbor should feel guilty for not returning the suitcase in a timely manner, especially when all she has to do is wheel it over next door.

My friend says that since her neighbor’s return, she has dropped hints, asking about how the trip went. Still, the neighbor has never mentioned the suitcase. I told her that she should call the woman and politely mention her upcoming trip, and ask when she can come by to pick up the suitcase. Surely that has to get a result!

If someone lends you something—whether it’s a book, DVD, iPod, lawnmower, or casserole dish—you should return it as soon as you’re done with it. It’s a temporary loan, not a gift, and even if the person waves you away and acts relaxed about when they expect their item back, it’s your responsibility to return it in a timely manner.

Also, don’t borrow things without asking. I once worked with someone who borrowed my umbrella one rainy day without asking, then never bothered to bring it back or replace it. To me, that’s not borrowing—it’s stealing.

Finally, don’t borrow anything you aren’t prepared to replace if the unthinkable happens. If something gets ruined or breaks while it’s in your care, you should make amends by offering to replace it. I personally make it a rule to never borrow or lend out anything that I would consider irreplaceable because of its price or sentimental value, such as jewelry, treasured books that were given as gifts, or kitchenware that was passed on from my mother. They may be important to only me, but I would be crushed if anything bad happened to them.

It’s fine to borrow items on occasion, but don’t take advantage, and be prepared to return the favor.

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Taylor Swift’s Etiquette Faux Pas

I’m often weighing in on the importance of RSVPing promptly, and it appears that celebrities and “Hollywood royalty” aren’t entirely clued in to this etiquette practice.

Turns out singer Taylor Swift and her new boyfriend Conor Kennedy—yes, those Kennedys—ruffled some feathers when they showed up unexpectedly at the wedding of Conor’s cousin. Apparently Conor only notified his cousin that he would be showing up an hour before the ceremony started. The bride’s mother has publicly stated that she had to twice ask the party-crashing couple to leave, because she was afraid Swift would take all the attention away from her daughter. The young couple eventually left, but the etiquette faux pas has since been made public.

I think it’s tacky for the bride’s mother to have informed the media about what is a family matter, but nonetheless Taylor and Conor should have known better. This wasn’t a family barbeque or a house party where unexpected drop-ins are par for the course; this was a no-doubts extravagant affair that would have required guests to RSVP well in advance. Their sudden presence was inconvenient and no doubt put a lot of stress on the hosts.

Hopefully these two will learn from their mistakes; after all, they’re still quite young. But let this be a lesson—always RSVP in a timely manner!

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Why Yelling at Work is Pointless

Do you have a tendency to raise your voice or yell at work when something goes wrong? According to several studies, you’re really not helping matters. I just came across this fascinating article in the Wall Street Journal which explains why yelling is an ineffective tool, with research showing that it can impair employees’ ability to remember things and follow instructions. Admit it—it’s pretty hard to concentrate when your boss is screaming at you.

Interestingly, sending an angry email or silently fuming at a co-worker is also unproductive. The article mentions an instance in which an editor fired off an email berating a writer for not doing their job, only to find herself in the hot seat when the writer called to complain to the higher-ups; apparently they did not appreciate having forceful complaints in writing.  

So what’s the best way to resolve workplace conflicts while bringing civility back to the workplace? Experts suggest calmly verbalizing your complaint in short sentences that begin with “I.” Say, “I understand where you were coming from, but I don’t agree that the situation was handled properly.”

You should also wait 24 hours before responding, which will likely remove some of the sting. The article also suggests using a soft voice when raising a complaint, as it tends to encourage the other person to lower their volume. Instead of focusing on issuing blame, suggest solutions or ways mistakes can be avoided in the future.

And if you are the person being yelled at, try not to react. It will throw the screamer off guard and hopefully force them to retreat. Issue a calm response and don’t rise to the bait. The office is no place for screaming matches.  

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Don’t Double-Book Yourself

Several months ago a prospective client contacted me to set up an initial consultation. We agreed to meet over coffee in a nearby café. But when I showed up at the appointed time, I discovered that she had brought a couple of girlfriends along. She explained that she had double-booked herself and wondered if I’d mind if her friends joined us. If her friends were interested in the services my company offers, I wouldn’t have minded, but it was clearly a social visit and the three of them kept chatting about their personal lives. I felt like I was in the way and frankly, it was disappointing that she hadn’t prioritized our meeting, or called to reschedule our plans once she realized she had other plans. Needless to say, we didn’t end up working together.

I know a few people who are guilty of constantly making lots of plans without bothering to check their schedule. They say “yes” to everything, but then wind up disappointing others because they inevitably have to cancel at the last minute, or try to merge their plans somehow. It shows a lack of consideration—people’s time is valuable, and it’s hurtful and annoying when someone you’ve made plans with completely forgets about them or tries to cram you into their other engagements.

Next time you commit to something, check your calendar to make sure there’s no conflict. Input the date into your planner or iPhone and don’t be quick to squeeze in other appointments. Nobody likes a flake!

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Joseph or Joe? Getting Names Right

A friend of mine is married to a man called Joseph. When I first met him, he introduced himself as Joseph and it’s never occurred to me to call him anything else. However, over dinner the other day, he shared with us that people often take the liberty of shortening his name to Joe or Joey, which drives him crazy. His own wife calls him Joseph, and he finds it presumptuous when near-strangers decide to give him a nickname that he doesn’t use or care for.  

Long names can be tricky. Is William actually William, or does he go by Bill or Will? What about Richard, Robert, or Elizabeth? My own name is Margaret, but I prefer to use by the shorter version, Peggy. To avoid confusion I only use Peggy in my business correspondence, and nobody ever thinks to call me Margaret.

The standard rule of thumb is to use the name which the person used to identify himself. If you’re exchanging emails, look at the bottom to see how the person signed off. If Elizabeth wrote “Best, Liz,” use Liz. If not, stick to Elizabeth.

Using nicknames implies an intimacy that may not be appropriate for business relationships. It can also be irritating. If someone I didn’t know well started calling me Peg, I would be annoyed and feel compelled to correct them. I wouldn’t take the liberty of changing someone else’s name, so why should they change mine?

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Representing Your Spouse at Work Events

A friend of mine recently returned from a business trip with several of her colleagues, including her boss and his wife. There were several dinners and sightseeing excursions planned most nights, so everyone had plenty of time to unwind and get to know each other. It sounds lovely, but my friend got much more than she bargained for once she started talking to her boss’s wife.

Throughout the trip, the woman—whose husband, ironically, is very straitlaced and conservative—would make reference to the couple’s sex life. At first, everyone was somewhat amused—these two are well into their 60s—but soon it got uncomfortable. The boss’s wife would casually mention marital spats, including the time she’d threatened to leave him. Another time, the group was taking some important clients to dinner when she started making obscene remarks about the nude male statues they’d all seen earlier that day. Talk about too much information! All anyone could do was politely chuckle and then change the subject.

Afterwards, all of my friend’s colleagues and spouses would remark about the unprofessional behavior. This woman wasn’t an employee, but as the spouse of the big boss, it seemed inappropriate for her to act that way in a business setting. Sure, it was charming and refreshing at times—goodness knows those business conferences can be stuffy!—but ultimately, everyone felt awkward and wondered what the woman’s husband made of it all. Who knows? Perhaps the woman was just nervous about fitting in and went too far in trying to be friendly and lively.

Making off-color remarks or sharing intimate details about your life will only invite gossip, not win over friends, especially in a business context. If you are accompanying your spouse or partner at a work function, don’t forget that you are representing your better half, even if you’re not the one on the payroll. Have a great time, but be discreet and don’t do anything that could tarnish your partner’s image.

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The Etiquette of Traveling With Kids

A friend of mine just returned from a European holiday with this story: Their hotel was a small and charming one tucked away in the countryside. There were only 50 or so guests, including an affluent American family with two young daughters who were about six and seven years old. My friend saw the girls everywhere—at breakfast, in the lobby, in the courtyard—but could never quite figure out who their parents were. One day she saw the little girls at the pool, where they were telling some other guests that their parents had decided to take a nap but had agreed to let them go to the pool unattended because other guests were in the area. Another guest came by and asked the girls, who by this time were in the pool by themselves, where their parents were. When they responded “in the room,” the woman then asked, “Who is babysitting you?” The other guests laughed because they were all thinking the same thing—the parents had just assumed that everyone else would keep an eye on their children for them.

On my friend’s final day at the hotel, she went down to breakfast and again saw the girls by themselves, as their parents had decided to sleep in. Soon the girls started goofing off and “playfully” threw things at a couple they had befriended during their stay, forcing the husband to repeatedly ask them to stop. Finally, another guest stormed off to reception and demanded that the parents be called on to take control of their kids.

My friend and the guests she spoke to were all appalled at the parents’ behavior. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for the girls, who had been abandoned by their folks in favor of, it seems, a few extra hours of sleep. Not only is that dangerous, but it put a greater burden on the hotel staff and the other guests, who wanted to enjoy some peace and quiet without having to feel like an unpaid babysitter.

If you are traveling with children, keep a careful eye on them and don’t assume that other people want to give up their precious vacation time for your sake. It’s understandable to want a moment of personal time without the kids, but it’s better to swap “shifts” with your spouse, arrange for childcare through your hotel, or look into day camps or classes that your children can enjoy.

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Why We Look Our Best on Mondays

Ladies, did you spend a bit more time this morning getting ready for work? You’re not alone.

According to a new study, women spend more time applying makeup, doing their hair, and getting dressed on Monday mornings compared to the other weekdays. In fact, each passing day sees less effort made, with four in 10 women claiming that they basically give up on making on effort to look good at the office by Wednesday!

Apparently by the middle of the week our workloads are so heavy that we no longer have the time or energy to primp and pamper. For instance, the average woman spends 39 minutes getting ready on Mondays, then just 32 by Tuesday, 29 on Wednesday and Thursday, and back up to 33 on Friday as the weekend gets underway.

Of course, there are exceptions to be made. More than half of women said they would take more care with their appearance if they had a meeting with a client or boss, and nearly a quarter said a potential promotion would inspire them to look their best.

That tells me that we all know that looking well-groomed and nicely dressed is crucial to making a good impression and getting ahead. So why are we giving up mid-week? I think it’s important to take the time every single day to look your best, even if it means planning all of your outfits for the week on Sunday night. Don’t let those standards slip!

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