Why Yelling at Work is Pointless

Do you have a tendency to raise your voice or yell at work when something goes wrong? According to several studies, you’re really not helping matters. I just came across this fascinating article in the Wall Street Journal which explains why yelling is an ineffective tool, with research showing that it can impair employees’ ability to remember things and follow instructions. Admit it—it’s pretty hard to concentrate when your boss is screaming at you.

Interestingly, sending an angry email or silently fuming at a co-worker is also unproductive. The article mentions an instance in which an editor fired off an email berating a writer for not doing their job, only to find herself in the hot seat when the writer called to complain to the higher-ups; apparently they did not appreciate having forceful complaints in writing.  

So what’s the best way to resolve workplace conflicts while bringing civility back to the workplace? Experts suggest calmly verbalizing your complaint in short sentences that begin with “I.” Say, “I understand where you were coming from, but I don’t agree that the situation was handled properly.”

You should also wait 24 hours before responding, which will likely remove some of the sting. The article also suggests using a soft voice when raising a complaint, as it tends to encourage the other person to lower their volume. Instead of focusing on issuing blame, suggest solutions or ways mistakes can be avoided in the future.

And if you are the person being yelled at, try not to react. It will throw the screamer off guard and hopefully force them to retreat. Issue a calm response and don’t rise to the bait. The office is no place for screaming matches.  

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What Signals Are You Sending in a Job Interview?

I just stumbled upon a fascinating survey of 2,000 bosses which revealed the common non-verbal mistakes people can make in a job interview. Apparently, the average job interview lasts 40 minutes, but 33% of bosses say they know whether or not they want to hire someone within the first 90 seconds. The question is, are the cues you’re sending working in your favor?

An astonishing 55% of bosses say how we dress, act, and walk has the biggest impact, while 38% cited our sense of confidence, voice, and grammar skills. Only 7% were motivated by what a person actually says in the interview.

Worried about your dress? Generally, bright colors should be avoided, and 70% of bosses prefer that candidates aren’t dressed overly fashionable or trendy (though this might be a different story in a creative industry). And if forced to choose between two similar candidates, 65% would let how each dressed be the determining factor in who got the job.

Negative body language can also ruin our chances of landing a job. Bosses polled cited weak handshakes, fidgeting, lack of eye contact or smiles, exaggerated hand gestures, poor posture, constant touching of the hair or face, and crossed arms as major turn-offs.

If you’ve got a big interview coming up, try to set up a mock interview with a friend or spouse. If possible, record the rehearsal so you can get a better look at how your expressions and gestures come across. Don’t forget to look at your wardrobe. Is your outfit too flashy? It may be better to stick with a classic look for the first interview, at which point you can get a better idea of how people in that office dress.

Make those first 90 seconds count!

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The Importance of Following Up

“Let’s do lunch.” “Talk soon.” “I’ll be in touch.” We all say these phrases countless times. But how often do you actually follow through?

A man I know has been looking for a new job for quite some time. He has been on several interviews, had great feedback, and then … nothing. In a couple of instances, the hiring manager got back to him right away and broke the news that they had gone with someone else. But he says most will say “we’ll let you know” or “we’ll have a decision by Tuesday” and then never get back to him. Obviously he gets the message that he isn’t getting the job, but this vagueness also plants a seed of doubt in his mind. Should he follow up with them? Will he look desperate? How much longer should he hold out before cutting his losses and accepting that it’s not going to happen?

None of us want to break bad news, but it comes across as lazy or insincere when we fail to do our jobs and make contact. And this isn’t the only situation in which following up is important. Whether you’re promising a second date, making plans to connect with someone whom you’ve met at a networking event, or trying to catch up with friends whom you see maybe once or twice a year, “let’s get together” and “I’ll call you” seem more and more like empty promises that have no significance. Who knows what we’re missing out on because we’re too busy/lazy/apathetic to make it happen?

My suggestion: Make an effort to solidify plans rather than shooting for a random date in the future. Most people have planners on their iPhones and PDAs now—use them! If you’re suggesting a drink, say, “What are you doing next week? Let’s get this on the calendar now.” If you’re worried about looking overly eager, blame it on the fact that if you don’t plan something right away, your schedule will fill up or you’ll both forget about it.

Another idea is to make a note of any plans or promises to follow up. Add it to your daily “to do” list so that you always have these commitments, however vague they may seem, in your mind. And think about it this way: An hour-long drink with a long-lost friend no doubt takes less time and energy than months of emails and texts with excuses as to why you can’t make it!

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Do You Have a Professional Headshot?

When people look you up in Google Images, what do they see? A polished-looking portrait, or casual photos from your summer vacation? According to personal branding expert William Arruda, it’s in every businessperson’s best interests to invest in a selection of headshots that present you as the qualified professional you strive to be.

First, have a professional photographer (or someone you know with good skills and a nice camera) capture you in a variety of different business outfits and poses. This will give you a selection of photos from which to choose–the more options on Google Images, the better, as it helps you appear more accomplished.

When you take your photos, make sure you are looking your best. If you need a haircut, shave, or manicure, do it before your shoot. Wear clothes suitable to your particular office environment, and adopt poses that seem natural (the chin resting against a fist is a bit too cliche). Avoid props and elaborate backgrounds.

Once your photos are complete, upload them to Flickr, taking care to save the files under your name, which will help them come up in Google searches. You can also upload them to LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, and any blog or web page you may have. Not only will this help build your image, but it will give people a face to put with the name. When you attend events and networking mixers, people may have more familiarity with you because they have already seen your photo. Who knows what sort of boost that could give your career?

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Do You Wear Too Much Makeup To Work?

I’ve talked before about how research shows that wearing makeup can make a woman appear more likeable and competent. I personally think that a touch of makeup looks polished and well-groomed. But now a new poll shows that many women may be overdoing it.

A survey from OfficeBroker.com has found that one in three bosses feel that their female employees wear too much makeup at the office. According to the poll, 32 percent of employees find fault with bold lipstick in a dark or bright shade, while 28 percent didn’t think that an intense smokey eye was appropriate for the workplace.

And though one in 10 bosses said they would prefer it if females wear at least some makeup to work, there are limits. Another 15 percent found severe blush to be a turn-off.

The lesson? Makeup is fine, but keep it within moderation. Glittery, shimmery, smokey, and bright products are more suitable for a cocktail party, not a business meeting. Try doing your makeup in natural light so you can get a better idea of whether or not it’s too severe for day.

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Packing for a Business Trip

After reading my last post on international etiquette, a client of mine brought up another interesting travel-related issue: what to wear! As a successful businesswoman she is often required to travel for various conferences, training seminars, and the like. These events may include a range of activities, such as breakfast meetings, classes, luncheons, cocktail receptions, and formal dinners. In other words, there’s a lot to pack and plan ahead for!

My client has noticed that many people on these trips view it as a vacation and dress accordingly—shorts, sneakers, flip-flops, and skimpy tops that aren’t acceptable in a professional arena. I loved her quote: “I am surprised at the number of people who do not comprehend the fact that seminars and conferences are not vacations; they are business/networking opportunities and, as such, one should dress as they would to have lunch with a colleague with whom they are seeking to do business. In some instances, cruise wear is acceptable but one should not wear shorts, strappy sundresses, or other vacation wear to a conference or seminar; the dress code is never less than business casual.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself! Of course, many of us (men and women) struggle to fit outfits suitable for these myriad events in our overnight luggage. Here are a few tips that I have relied on over the years.

 -Focus on versatile basics. Pack pieces that can easily be transformed for day to night, or informal to formal. A black sheath can be reworked with jewelry or a scarf, while a black pencil skirt or trousers can be dressed up or down with a variety of blouses.

-Opt for lightweight fabrics. Linen, jersey, and silk will take up less room in your suitcase, and make you feel more comfortable to boot. If you’re worried about wrinkles, call ahead to confirm that your hotel has on-site dry cleaning services, or, at the very least, an iron.

-Map your trip out. Before you go, look at the itinerary and calendar of events. Figure out what level of dress you’ll need for each event, and determine whether certain items can be “recycled.” For instance, I may bring a fitted blazer to wear over a silk dress for a reception, a pencil skirt and button-down blouse for a meeting, or a more casual solid tee and dark boot-cut trousers for class.

 -Think “casual chic.” Yes, you want to be comfortable. But how would you feel if you ran into a corporate bigwig in the lobby while you’re wearing yoga pants and a ratty tee? Instead, find more tasteful ways to be casual. Swap your flip-flops for ballet flats, or glam up a fitted solid tee (no logos!) with a statement necklace or scarf.

For more tips on this situation, read my book Executive Image Power, which features a chapter called “The Perfect Pack” by my colleague Julie Kaufman.

When “Good” Customer Service Goes Bad

A friend of mine recently opened up a new bank account. The bank employee was helpful, but spent most of the time chit-chatting about upcoming travel plans and “watercooler topics” while inputting my friend’s details into the system. It was pleasant, but it also dragged on and made her late for her next appointment.

She was told that the new debit card and checks would arrive within a couple of days. When nothing surfaced, she called the bank. Lo and behold, the bank teller had put the wrong address and my friend’s bank card and personal account details had been sent to a stranger! She then had to go back to the bank and wait 30 minutes before she could correct the address, block the old card, and order new materials.

Though the bank employee had given her “good customer service” by being friendly, my friend couldn’t help thinking that if he had spent less time making small talk and more time focusing on the information he was inputting, the mistake never would have occurred. Ultimately, my friend felt like she had received poor customer service because the cards had been delivered to the wrong address and she had to spend more time fixing the error. She put it this way: I need a bank account, not a new friend.

As an image and etiquette consultant, I often praise the value of providing good customer service. However, the best customer service is to be efficient and do your job properly. Being polite and upbeat and flashing a genuine smile is great. Just be considerate of the customer’s time and needs, and don’t lose focus of the task at hand.

For instance, I often see airline ticket agents trying to banter with travelers who are desperate to catch their flight, while a long line forms behind them. These agents may think they are offering good customer service, but given the situation it would be better for them to be pleasant but also quick and efficient to help the traveler get on his or her way rather than complimenting their luggage or going on about the weather. Trust me—if you miss your flight, you won’t be fondly remembering the agent’s anecdotes about their last vacation.

Subtle Acts of Being Uncivil

When people think of the word “uncivil,” they generally imagine its most extreme form—belligerence, shouting, chaos, and blatant rudeness. But what we’re far more likely to encounter in our day-to-day lives is a more subtle, but still upsetting, lack of manners. Here people aren’t going out of their way to be obnoxious, but rather, they simply lack consideration for others.

One major symptom of this is constantly pecking away at our iPhones and cell phones rather than participating in the world around us. We’re too busy playing Angry Birds to have a proper conversation or interact with others. I’ve noticed this at a lot of networking events and it makes me wonder why people bothered coming if they are going to fiddle with their phone all night.

Another pet peeve: Those who don’t observe the Golden Rule, or return favors. It’s easy to ask for help, but when it’s our turn to show some consideration, we fail to rise to the occasion.

A perfect example: A friend was telling me about how he had recently helped a friend’s husband fine-tune his resume. It was time-consuming, but he was happy to help. The next day he had invited the couple to a small event in support of another friend. The couple turned up and helped themselves to the free drinks. After 15 minutes the husband left. The wife spent the next half hour in the corner with her BlackBerry. Neither participated in the event, and my friend was not only embarrassed that he had brought them, but disappointed that it was deemed acceptable for him to spend his working hours on the husband’s resume when he couldn’t bother to mingle and participate for an hour. Next time he won’t be so quick to offer help.

You needn’t be cursing up a storm to be viewed as rude and uncivil. Failing to engage or consider how our behavior affects others is a far more persistent threat to our social interactions. Next time, take a step back and think about what sort of message you are sending. If you’re coming off as bored or ungrateful, it’s time for an attitude adjustment.

Are Aggressive Women Less Likely to Succeed?

Last week a new study came out that may be quite alarming to my fellow businesswomen. According to research from Dr. Olivia O’Neill of George Mason University and Charles O’Reilly from Stanford University, women who “act like men” in the workplace—read: act pushy, aggressive, or overly confident—are less likely to succeed than those with more “feminine” traits. More ladylike, less go-getting types are apparently deemed more likeable and are thus more likely to be promoted.

“If they are seen to behave in a stereotypically male way, they may damage their chances of promotion, even if these traits are synonymous with successful managers,” Dr. O’Neill said.

That said, “bossy” women who self-monitored their behavior so as to appear less intimidating did improve their chances of promotion. So will acting like Joan Harris score you more points than acting like Peggy Olsen? I can’t help but think of some powerful women who prove otherwise. What do you think, readers?

Avoiding Hot-Button Topics with Strangers

Over the holidays a friend of mine was flying home to see her family. It was a long flight, and the man next to her started chatting with her. They engaged in polite conversation for a while, and all was going well until the man started bringing up politics.

“I don’t know about you, but this country is going to hell in a hand basket,” he said, before proceeding to rant about gun control, the health care bill, and every other political grievance he had.

My friend finally smiled politely and said, “I should probably mention that I’m a Democrat. “

She then tried to change the subject to something less controversial but the man laughed and said, “No judgment”—which offended her even more than his political ravings. After all, why should he even imply that he would judge her because her political views differed from his?

Later on the man also brought up another taboo subject, religion, explaining in great detail why he was an atheist and how others had it wrong. My friend was desperate to return to her book!

Politics and religion are two subjects that should not be brought up if you’re chatting with someone you just met. They are highly emotional and sensitive topics, and you can’t assume that the person in the seat next to you shares your views. Like the man my friend encountered, you will more likely offend or alienate someone with your preaching.

Having strong viewpoints is good. But know your audience, and remember that practicing civility doesn’t mean airing your opinions to everyone in your path. An airplane ride or doctor’s waiting room is not the appropriate place for a political debate.

The Arizona tragedy over the weekend is an extreme illustration of how political issues can blow up. What we need is unity, not divisiveness. If you have even the slightest niggling that a topic will be too sensitive, personal, or controversial, skip it. You don’t want things to get heated, and, honestly, do you really care about the political views or religious outlook of someone you just met? Is it worth any potential drama to get a thumb’s up on your opinion from a near-stranger? No.

If someone brings up a topic you’d rather not engage in, or says something inappropriate, try to stay calm and simply change the subject or end the conversation. By getting worked up you’ll be stirring up more drama and things will get more heated.