Taylor Swift’s Etiquette Faux Pas

I’m often weighing in on the importance of RSVPing promptly, and it appears that celebrities and “Hollywood royalty” aren’t entirely clued in to this etiquette practice.

Turns out singer Taylor Swift and her new boyfriend Conor Kennedy—yes, those Kennedys—ruffled some feathers when they showed up unexpectedly at the wedding of Conor’s cousin. Apparently Conor only notified his cousin that he would be showing up an hour before the ceremony started. The bride’s mother has publicly stated that she had to twice ask the party-crashing couple to leave, because she was afraid Swift would take all the attention away from her daughter. The young couple eventually left, but the etiquette faux pas has since been made public.

I think it’s tacky for the bride’s mother to have informed the media about what is a family matter, but nonetheless Taylor and Conor should have known better. This wasn’t a family barbeque or a house party where unexpected drop-ins are par for the course; this was a no-doubts extravagant affair that would have required guests to RSVP well in advance. Their sudden presence was inconvenient and no doubt put a lot of stress on the hosts.

Hopefully these two will learn from their mistakes; after all, they’re still quite young. But let this be a lesson—always RSVP in a timely manner!

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Invitation Etiquette: Why a “Plus One” Isn’t a Given

A young woman I know is getting married, but due to finances they are having just a private city hall ceremony followed by a church blessing for family and close friends; they hope to have a more traditional and lavish ceremony in a couple of years, but right now they want to keep it simple.  They sent out invitations to a select group of friends, but were taken aback when one friend of the groom’s replied, “Great. My girlfriend wants to come too and is asking for the day off work.”

The couple do not know this girlfriend very well, and had not invited her, or, in fact, any other partners or spouses. This was partly down to financial reasons and space limitations, but also because they just wanted an intimate moment with only their nearest and dearest. Needless to say, the bride was irritated because none of her own friends were bringing dates, yet this man had assumed that his girlfriend was welcome without checking first.

Typically, if an invitation says “plus guest,” you are free to bring a date. If only your name is listed on the invite, it usually means that space is limited and you should come solo. Yes, it would be nice to bring a date, but you have to respect the couple’s wishes. It’s their day, after all, and weddings and events can become very stressful and out of control if guests take it upon themselves to increase the numbers.

And if you’re ever in doubt, ask!

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Don’t Stick Your Foot in Your Mouth

Last weekend a friend of mine attended a wedding held in Canada. She was chatting with a friend who had just moved from Europe to her home state, Georgia, for work. Soon a couple came over and introduced themselves. They asked the second woman, who was Swedish, where she was from, and when she responded that she lived in Georgia, they made dramatic groans and started complaining about their experiences with the South. After a few moments, my friend smiled and said, “This is probably a bad time to tell you that I was born and raised in Georgia.” The couple immediately tried to backtrack—“Oh, everyone there is friendly, it’s just not what we’re used to”—but the damage was done.

The lesson? It’s best to not announce your opinions on a topic unless you’re with close friends. At events like weddings and business conferences, you tend to meet people from a variety of backgrounds, and you should never assume that a person will agree with you. It’s far better to ask any person you meet some polite, informal questions to get to know them better, and steer clear of controversial topics.

 You should also avoid gossip or criticisms if you’re talking to someone new. I know someone who was at a networking party and commented that he wasn’t a fan of the event’s set-up. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until the end of the night that he realized that the person he had been complaining to was the event organizer’s husband!

When we meet new people, we can sometimes grasp at straws just to make conversation. However, voicing a negative opinion or resorting to catty gossip runs the risk of offending someone and causing hurt feelings. Stay positive, or at the very least neutral. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it!

What to Wear to a Wedding

‘Tis the season to get married…which means you’ve got a pile of engraved wedding invitations sitting on your desk, and no clue what to wear. Follow these guidelines for looking smart and chic on the big day—without upstaging the bride.

Read Between the Lines: Many invites specify a dress code, such as “black tie,” or “semi-formal.” In some cases, the couple may ask that guests stick to a particular color palette. You should always defer to the couple’s wishes in these cases—in other words, don’t show up to a wedding in a bright red dress if the couple has requested that all guests wear white. If no dress code is specified, you should look to the invitation’s details to determine the appropriate dress. Is the wedding at night, or during the day? Is the service at a church, or is it on the beach? Dress accordingly.

Look Your Best: It’s better to be too dressed up than too dressed down. Always aim to look tasteful and elegant—it’s a way of showing respect for the couple. That means no jeans, denim skirts, t-shirts, loungewear, sneakers, or anything that doesn’t exude class. You should also avoid revealing too much skin. Keep it tasteful!

Ask Around: For women, it can be quite an embarrassing scenario to show up for a wedding wearing a dress that looks exactly like the one the bridesmaids are wearing. In this rough economy, more and more brides are giving their attendants the option to purchase off-the-rack dresses from main-street retailers, rather than pricey specialty boutiques. As such, it pays to do a little research. If the wedding invite lists the wedding colors as buttercream yellow and sky blue, you could assume that the bridesmaids will be wearing one of those hues. You can also ask someone close to the wedding—though, unless you’re a close friend or relative of the bride, you may want to avoid asking her directly. She has too much to handle before the wedding to respond to everyone’s dress queries. Try asking her mother or bridesmaids instead.

Steer Clear of White: If you’re a woman, wearing white is best left to the bride. This is her day, and you don’t want to steal attention away from her dress by showing up in a cream or white frock. A floral print on a white background is fine, but avoid anything that looks too bridal. The color black used to have a negative connotation for weddings (thanks to its ties to mourning), but is quite common these days. You may, however, want to avoid bold reds, anything neon, or wild animal prints.

Best Bets: A figure-flattering sheath in a pastel hue is a great choice for a summer wedding; just throw a pashmina or shawl over your shoulders if you get chilly. Younger women can get away with strapless or halter-top numbers, but again, avoid showing too much skin. And older women look fantastic in tasteful skirt suits, or perhaps a pretty frock with sleeves and a V or sweetheart neckline. Nordstrom.com has a fab selection of dresses for wedding guests and mothers of the bride if you need further inspiration.

Mind Your Accessories: You’ve found the perfect dress, but is the rest of your ensemble up to snuff? Unless your legs look flawless and blemish-free, you should be wearing pantyhose. Your handbag should also complement your dress, so swap your day-to-day black or brown tote for a little clutch in a hue that suits your dress. As far as shoes go, a one- or two-inch heel will look glamorous but still offer some comfort as you hit the dance floor. A pashmina or light jacket is a good accessory to have, should the air conditioning kick in or the evening air get a little chilly. Keep jewelry to a minimum—gold hoops here, a pearl necklace there—and treat yourself to a mani/pedi so that you look polished.