Be a Good Dinner Companion

About a year ago I had a dinner meeting with a woman who was interested in doing business together. She didn’t know Atlanta well, so she asked me to pick a restaurant and make the reservation. I chose a great little place that was centrally located, famed for its delicious cuisine, and elegant without being expensive or stuffy.

I was happy with my choice, but from the moment we sat down the woman could only complain about every little thing. The service was too slow. She didn’t like the table décor. The wine list wasn’t extensive enough, and there weren’t enough dishes to accommodate her gluten-free diet (which she hadn’t mentioned when she asked me to pick a place). I felt that everything had been lovely—besides the company. I knew right then and there that I didn’t want to work with someone who was so critical.

Complaining and whining and just generally being difficult can really affect how people see you. Who wants to dine with someone who is rude to the waitstaff or can’t take half a second to appreciate the moment? Even if the restaurant was truly terrible, it’s unproductive to complain about it the entire time. I’d rather deal with the issue and then move on with a shrug and a smile. I’m sure this woman’s aggressiveness had been an asset in her career, but it rubbed me the wrong way. I felt embarrassed at her behavior and anxious to call it a night.

The next time you’re dining out or socializing with others, wait a moment before voicing a complaint. Are you being petty? Are you just venting because you’ve had a bad day? Will whining actually make the situation better? Or should you shrug it off and try to be good company? I vote for the latter!

Visit with us on or follow us on

Don’t Be a Bad Borrower

A friend of mine recently loaned her neighbor a suitcase for a trip she was taking. The neighbor returned from her vacation weeks ago, but has made no mention of returning the suitcase. Now my friend has a trip of her own coming up soon, and she needs the suitcase back. Funnily enough, she told me that she feels guilty asking for it back! I told her that her neighbor should feel guilty for not returning the suitcase in a timely manner, especially when all she has to do is wheel it over next door.

My friend says that since her neighbor’s return, she has dropped hints, asking about how the trip went. Still, the neighbor has never mentioned the suitcase. I told her that she should call the woman and politely mention her upcoming trip, and ask when she can come by to pick up the suitcase. Surely that has to get a result!

If someone lends you something—whether it’s a book, DVD, iPod, lawnmower, or casserole dish—you should return it as soon as you’re done with it. It’s a temporary loan, not a gift, and even if the person waves you away and acts relaxed about when they expect their item back, it’s your responsibility to return it in a timely manner.

Also, don’t borrow things without asking. I once worked with someone who borrowed my umbrella one rainy day without asking, then never bothered to bring it back or replace it. To me, that’s not borrowing—it’s stealing.

Finally, don’t borrow anything you aren’t prepared to replace if the unthinkable happens. If something gets ruined or breaks while it’s in your care, you should make amends by offering to replace it. I personally make it a rule to never borrow or lend out anything that I would consider irreplaceable because of its price or sentimental value, such as jewelry, treasured books that were given as gifts, or kitchenware that was passed on from my mother. They may be important to only me, but I would be crushed if anything bad happened to them.

It’s fine to borrow items on occasion, but don’t take advantage, and be prepared to return the favor.

Visit with us on follow us on

Taylor Swift’s Etiquette Faux Pas

I’m often weighing in on the importance of RSVPing promptly, and it appears that celebrities and “Hollywood royalty” aren’t entirely clued in to this etiquette practice.

Turns out singer Taylor Swift and her new boyfriend Conor Kennedy—yes, those Kennedys—ruffled some feathers when they showed up unexpectedly at the wedding of Conor’s cousin. Apparently Conor only notified his cousin that he would be showing up an hour before the ceremony started. The bride’s mother has publicly stated that she had to twice ask the party-crashing couple to leave, because she was afraid Swift would take all the attention away from her daughter. The young couple eventually left, but the etiquette faux pas has since been made public.

I think it’s tacky for the bride’s mother to have informed the media about what is a family matter, but nonetheless Taylor and Conor should have known better. This wasn’t a family barbeque or a house party where unexpected drop-ins are par for the course; this was a no-doubts extravagant affair that would have required guests to RSVP well in advance. Their sudden presence was inconvenient and no doubt put a lot of stress on the hosts.

Hopefully these two will learn from their mistakes; after all, they’re still quite young. But let this be a lesson—always RSVP in a timely manner!

Visit with us on or follow us on

Don’t Double-Book Yourself

Several months ago a prospective client contacted me to set up an initial consultation. We agreed to meet over coffee in a nearby café. But when I showed up at the appointed time, I discovered that she had brought a couple of girlfriends along. She explained that she had double-booked herself and wondered if I’d mind if her friends joined us. If her friends were interested in the services my company offers, I wouldn’t have minded, but it was clearly a social visit and the three of them kept chatting about their personal lives. I felt like I was in the way and frankly, it was disappointing that she hadn’t prioritized our meeting, or called to reschedule our plans once she realized she had other plans. Needless to say, we didn’t end up working together.

I know a few people who are guilty of constantly making lots of plans without bothering to check their schedule. They say “yes” to everything, but then wind up disappointing others because they inevitably have to cancel at the last minute, or try to merge their plans somehow. It shows a lack of consideration—people’s time is valuable, and it’s hurtful and annoying when someone you’ve made plans with completely forgets about them or tries to cram you into their other engagements.

Next time you commit to something, check your calendar to make sure there’s no conflict. Input the date into your planner or iPhone and don’t be quick to squeeze in other appointments. Nobody likes a flake!

Visit with us on or follow us on

Michael Phelps’ Great Olympics Sportsmanship

Have you been watching the Olympics coverage? I have to say, I’ve been glued to my TV screen. It’s so inspiring to see these talented athletes accomplish these super-human feats, especially after years of training, sacrifices, and absolute discipline. I love that passion! And for me, the Olympics are also a chance to see good sportsmanship in action.

Take Michael Phelps for instance. He’s now the most decorated Olympian in history, and he really proved himself in his final Games appearance. But what really impressed me was his reaction to coming second in the 200-meter butterfly. The gold medalist, South Africa’s Chad Le Clos, was visibly emotional and nervous after just narrowly beating his hero Phelps. It must have been a disappointing loss for Phelps—winning would have made him the first male swimmer to win an Olympic swimming event three times in a row—but he was completely gracious, embracing his rival, posing for photos, and kindly steering him towards the media outlets for the post-match interviews. Phelps even later took to Twitter to praise Le Clos for his “amazing swim.” What a nice example of sportsmanship!

Visit with us on or follow us on

Joseph or Joe? Getting Names Right

A friend of mine is married to a man called Joseph. When I first met him, he introduced himself as Joseph and it’s never occurred to me to call him anything else. However, over dinner the other day, he shared with us that people often take the liberty of shortening his name to Joe or Joey, which drives him crazy. His own wife calls him Joseph, and he finds it presumptuous when near-strangers decide to give him a nickname that he doesn’t use or care for.  

Long names can be tricky. Is William actually William, or does he go by Bill or Will? What about Richard, Robert, or Elizabeth? My own name is Margaret, but I prefer to use by the shorter version, Peggy. To avoid confusion I only use Peggy in my business correspondence, and nobody ever thinks to call me Margaret.

The standard rule of thumb is to use the name which the person used to identify himself. If you’re exchanging emails, look at the bottom to see how the person signed off. If Elizabeth wrote “Best, Liz,” use Liz. If not, stick to Elizabeth.

Using nicknames implies an intimacy that may not be appropriate for business relationships. It can also be irritating. If someone I didn’t know well started calling me Peg, I would be annoyed and feel compelled to correct them. I wouldn’t take the liberty of changing someone else’s name, so why should they change mine?

Visit us on or follow us on

Using Foul Language in Public

The other day I was enjoying a lovely meal with my husband at an outdoor café. Unfortunately, we were seated next to a table of college-aged friends and couldn’t help but overhear their loud conversation, which was very crude and littered with four-letter words. Funnily enough, the group looked nicely dressed, as though they’d just come from church or a semi-formal event, which made their vulgar language all the more shocking. Several times our own conversation was interrupted by their crass comments, and I noticed that another nearby table was occupied by a family with two young children. Every time someone in the group loudly burst out with an expletive, the parents winced and shot an angry look. In hindsight, I wish that I had gotten a manager to intervene or asked the group to kindly keep it down. Maybe then their chatter wouldn’t have ruined everyone else’s dining experience!

It’s rare these days to find someone who doesn’t use curse words, but I find it highly impolite to resort to foul language when you are out in public, especially when small children are nearby. You wouldn’t swear in a conversation with your boss or elderly relative, so why can’t you bite your tongue and have that same consideration when you’re sharing public space with those who probably have no interest in your foul-mouthed comments? Swearing so profusely only makes you seem classless and rude.

I once had a lunch date with an old acquaintance whom I hadn’t seen in a long time. For some reason he couldn’t resist peppering every sentence with an expletive, and I couldn’t help but notice that our fellow diners were making disapproving looks. I felt so embarrassed. Finally, I had to politely suggest that we tone down our language because we were drawing attention to ourselves. Thankfully, he understood, and we were able to continue our conversation in a classy manner.

Swearing may be commonplace, but it comes off as disrespectful, especially in the presence of children. To protect your image and practice good civility, think before you speak!

Visit with us on or follow us on

Graduation Etiquette

I know a lot of you have been celebrating high school and college graduations lately, which are typically festive occasions. What parent doesn’t want to proudly cheer on their child? What graduate doesn’t want to whoop and holler and throw up his or her cap in the air?

Unfortunately, that sort of behavior could cause serious repercussions for a graduate. According to Fox News, some graduates have had their diplomas withheld because their friends and family cheered too loudly or blasted airhorns as they walked across the stage. Officials say the loud whistles and boisterous celebrations show a lack of decorum and interrupt and overshadow the graduate who is next in line.

Now schools are escorting—and even arresting—unruly graduation attendees, as well as slapping graduates with community service penalties before they can receive their official diplomas.

Harsh? Perhaps, but officials say they’ve got to crack down if they want to discourage out-of-control behavior at future ceremonies. In other words, stick to some polite clapping—but save the airhorns and whistles for the graduation party.

Using Your Cell Phone While Waiting in Line

The other day a friend of mine was shopping in the market and was stuck in a line with several other shoppers. One young woman must not have seen the line and instead decided to wait to the side while she chatted on the phone. A store employee pointed out her mistake but she continued to stand there. My friend decided to be helpful and alert her to the growing line of people behind her, so she could join the line before it got even busier. Instead, the woman snapped, “I’m waiting here, and I’ll just go after you.” My friend pointed out that several of the people behind her had been waiting longer, but the woman issued a snotty comeback. My friend was so flummoxed by this blatant rudeness that she was tempted to let the people behind her in line go ahead of her. Would it have killed this woman to simply wait her turn and join everyone else?

Nobody enjoys standing in line, but bad manners make the experience even worse. Almost as bad as the people who cut in line are those who spend the entire time loudly chatting on their cell phones, not bothering to end the conversation when they get to the till. Instead, they avoid contact and bark out their orders with their phone wedged between their shoulder and ear. They barely respond to the employee’s questions, and then take ages to get out their money and collect their belongings. Meanwhile, other customers are held up and left fuming.

When I got my nails done the other day another customer decided to make a phone call just as she was sitting down to a manicure. The poor manicurist could barely get hold of the woman’s hands, and yet it never occurred to the woman that perhaps it was rude and inconvenient to be chattering away while someone was trying to do her job.

Being aware of other people, especially when you’re using a cell phone in public, will make your day-to-day errands much more enjoyable and efficient. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been knocked into by someone who was too busy talking on their cell phone or playing with their iPhone to look up and see where they were going.

Are you letting your cell phone get in the way of civility? Hang up and return the call after you’ve conducted your business!

Visit with us on or follow us on

Civility Star Award Nomination #3

Note from Peggy: I asked my readers to submit nominations for my first annual Civility Star Award. I was impressed with the flood of responses and wanted to share three nominations in particular. Here is the final one.

Dear Peggy,

I’d like to nominate Aída Politano; there are few people like her you’ll have the luck to meet in life. She was married to Dr. Victor Politano, who passed away on February 13, 2010 at the age 91.

Both Victor and Aída were always very supportive and kind, always giving their help when needed. When my daughter Jacqueline or I need anything, Aída is there for us.

When we moved from Lima, Peru and needed assistance, they came and saw us as soon as we arrived in Miami.

When we moved to São Paulo, Brazil, and I once again needed treatment from Dr. Politano, who was a urologist, his wife took care of me immediately. Sometimes I went there with my husband and we were treated not simply as patients; they made us feel at home, frequently inviting us to their place.

 I hope this testimonial can honor my dear friends and show how grateful I feel for everything.

Aída Gliksman de Shor

Visit with us on or follow us on