Summertime Dress Codes at Church

Is your Sunday best too skimpy? Lately I’ve been reading that some churches have put up notices reminding worshipers to dress appropriately for service during the summer months. Apparently some church-goers have been wearing strappy low-cut tops, revealing miniskirts, and skimpy shorts in an effort to beat the heat, and the church is having none of it.

Every church has its own culture. Suits and dresses may be the norm at one church, while another might have a relaxed dress code that includes jeans or polo shirts. Some see dressing up as a sign of respect, while others argue that God doesn’t care what you wear.

But no matter how formal or informal your place of worship is, there’s always a line. Provocative or revealing clothing is generally frowned upon, and can make others feel uncomfortable. It’s a church, not a nightclub!

When we were in Europe, we saw many cathedrals that handed out shawls to women who had bare shoulders. Granted, these churches were more traditional and formal than what you might find in the States, but I liked that sense of respect.

Men wouldn’t show up to work in a sleeveless t-shirt. Ladies would think twice about wearing a plunging, body-con dress to the office. So why wear it to church? If it’s really that hot outside, opt for lightweight fabrics that will keep you cool.

What do you think? Have you noticed this issue at your place of worship?

Metro-North Outburst: A Lesson in Civility

Once again someone is paying the price for not practicing good civility. I’ve just a read a story about a woman on a Metro-North train in New York who drew complaints from her fellow passengers for talking loudly and using profanities. A conductor was sent over to request that the woman keep it down, at which point she let out a dramatic tirade that was, of course, captured on another passenger’s video phone.

“I was not cursing,” the woman fired back at the conductor. “Excuse me, do you know what schools I’ve been to? I’m sorry, do you think I’m a little hoodlum?’

When the conductor mentioned the expletives she’d allegedly uttered, the passenger said, “My mouth? Excuse me? Do you know how well-educated I am?”

She can also be seen standing up and demanding that the train be stopped, nearly leading to an altercation with the conductor.

Now the video of the woman’s tirade is on YouTube, and she’s no doubt regretting her bad behavior.

This is yet another example of how bad manners—talking loudly, using profanities in public, and then yelling at employees—can spiral into an embarrassing situation. If the woman is as well-educated as she claims, she is likely a business professional, and I wonder what her bosses and client think of her tirade.

Let this be a lesson: Mind your manners in public, and always keep your cool!

How to Talk to an Ill Loved One

My family, like many others, has had more than its share of health scares over the past couple of years. I was fortunate to have a wonderful group of friends who helped ease the bad times, but I also noticed that many people don’t know how to react to someone’s serious illness.

Yesterday I came across a fantastic and much-needed article in the New York Times on the etiquette of dealing with a loved one’s health issues. Someone gets a terrible diagnosis, and we want to help and comfort them, but oftentimes don’t know how, or inadvertently act patronizing. “’You Look Great’ and Other Lies” includes six things never to say to a patient, even though they may seem harmless. For instance, rather than asking what you can do to help, which makes the patient feel like a victim or burden, you should simply take action, even if it’s as basic as cleaning their house, arranging for a babysitter, or mowing the lawn.

Another point I found interesting is that it’s become a meaningless cliché to say “you’re in my thoughts and prayers,” even if we do mean it. Instead, the article suggests telling the person what they mean to you, which feels more intimate.

You should also avoid making overly optimistic statements which may not be realistic, commenting on the patient’s appearance, offering medical advice based on some article you read or herbal remedy you picked up in South America (leave that to the doctors), or constantly asking for health updates, which can make the person feel like a broken record.

I highly recommend that everyone read this article. Disease is something that affects all of us, and it’s important to treat the situation with grace!

 

Packing for a Business Trip

After reading my last post on international etiquette, a client of mine brought up another interesting travel-related issue: what to wear! As a successful businesswoman she is often required to travel for various conferences, training seminars, and the like. These events may include a range of activities, such as breakfast meetings, classes, luncheons, cocktail receptions, and formal dinners. In other words, there’s a lot to pack and plan ahead for!

My client has noticed that many people on these trips view it as a vacation and dress accordingly—shorts, sneakers, flip-flops, and skimpy tops that aren’t acceptable in a professional arena. I loved her quote: “I am surprised at the number of people who do not comprehend the fact that seminars and conferences are not vacations; they are business/networking opportunities and, as such, one should dress as they would to have lunch with a colleague with whom they are seeking to do business. In some instances, cruise wear is acceptable but one should not wear shorts, strappy sundresses, or other vacation wear to a conference or seminar; the dress code is never less than business casual.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself! Of course, many of us (men and women) struggle to fit outfits suitable for these myriad events in our overnight luggage. Here are a few tips that I have relied on over the years.

 -Focus on versatile basics. Pack pieces that can easily be transformed for day to night, or informal to formal. A black sheath can be reworked with jewelry or a scarf, while a black pencil skirt or trousers can be dressed up or down with a variety of blouses.

-Opt for lightweight fabrics. Linen, jersey, and silk will take up less room in your suitcase, and make you feel more comfortable to boot. If you’re worried about wrinkles, call ahead to confirm that your hotel has on-site dry cleaning services, or, at the very least, an iron.

-Map your trip out. Before you go, look at the itinerary and calendar of events. Figure out what level of dress you’ll need for each event, and determine whether certain items can be “recycled.” For instance, I may bring a fitted blazer to wear over a silk dress for a reception, a pencil skirt and button-down blouse for a meeting, or a more casual solid tee and dark boot-cut trousers for class.

 -Think “casual chic.” Yes, you want to be comfortable. But how would you feel if you ran into a corporate bigwig in the lobby while you’re wearing yoga pants and a ratty tee? Instead, find more tasteful ways to be casual. Swap your flip-flops for ballet flats, or glam up a fitted solid tee (no logos!) with a statement necklace or scarf.

For more tips on this situation, read my book Executive Image Power, which features a chapter called “The Perfect Pack” by my colleague Julie Kaufman.