Representing Your Spouse at Work Events

A friend of mine recently returned from a business trip with several of her colleagues, including her boss and his wife. There were several dinners and sightseeing excursions planned most nights, so everyone had plenty of time to unwind and get to know each other. It sounds lovely, but my friend got much more than she bargained for once she started talking to her boss’s wife.

Throughout the trip, the woman—whose husband, ironically, is very straitlaced and conservative—would make reference to the couple’s sex life. At first, everyone was somewhat amused—these two are well into their 60s—but soon it got uncomfortable. The boss’s wife would casually mention marital spats, including the time she’d threatened to leave him. Another time, the group was taking some important clients to dinner when she started making obscene remarks about the nude male statues they’d all seen earlier that day. Talk about too much information! All anyone could do was politely chuckle and then change the subject.

Afterwards, all of my friend’s colleagues and spouses would remark about the unprofessional behavior. This woman wasn’t an employee, but as the spouse of the big boss, it seemed inappropriate for her to act that way in a business setting. Sure, it was charming and refreshing at times—goodness knows those business conferences can be stuffy!—but ultimately, everyone felt awkward and wondered what the woman’s husband made of it all. Who knows? Perhaps the woman was just nervous about fitting in and went too far in trying to be friendly and lively.

Making off-color remarks or sharing intimate details about your life will only invite gossip, not win over friends, especially in a business context. If you are accompanying your spouse or partner at a work function, don’t forget that you are representing your better half, even if you’re not the one on the payroll. Have a great time, but be discreet and don’t do anything that could tarnish your partner’s image.

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Avoiding Negativity Online

Are people getting more vicious, or is it just that we’re more exposed to others’ opinions, good and bad, thanks to today’s tech-obsessed world? With Twitter and Facebook, everyone is an expert, everyone has an opinion, and everyone is outspoken. People think nothing off saying things online that 10, or even 5, years ago would have been uttered only in private company.

Sadly, many of those things that are negative rants, personal attacks, and distasteful jokes. It takes just a second to tweet the first nasty thought that pops into our head, and because of that we’re careless and indiscreet. We’re creating a social atmosphere polluted with negativity.

I’m thinking of the awful sexual assault on journalist Lara Logan in Egypt last week. While the general reaction was horror and sympathy, NYU fellow Nir Rosen seized the moment to tweet that Logan was a “warmonger” and trying to upstage CNN’s Anderson Cooper, who was also injured, albeit to a much less serious degree, while reporting in Egypt. Rosen’s comment sparked outrage and he was forced to resign.

It’s absolutely fine to have a dissenting opinion. But our society loses civility when, instead of expressing our opinions in a civilized debate, we act like attack dogs hiding behind the anonymity the Internet provides. Pouncing on a tragedy—whether here or abroad—is heartless, and can only lead to trouble. Remember that nothing on the Internet is truly private. If you wouldn’t say something in person, don’t say it online. It will come back to haunt you.

Remember: Think before you tweet!

Subtle Acts of Being Uncivil

When people think of the word “uncivil,” they generally imagine its most extreme form—belligerence, shouting, chaos, and blatant rudeness. But what we’re far more likely to encounter in our day-to-day lives is a more subtle, but still upsetting, lack of manners. Here people aren’t going out of their way to be obnoxious, but rather, they simply lack consideration for others.

One major symptom of this is constantly pecking away at our iPhones and cell phones rather than participating in the world around us. We’re too busy playing Angry Birds to have a proper conversation or interact with others. I’ve noticed this at a lot of networking events and it makes me wonder why people bothered coming if they are going to fiddle with their phone all night.

Another pet peeve: Those who don’t observe the Golden Rule, or return favors. It’s easy to ask for help, but when it’s our turn to show some consideration, we fail to rise to the occasion.

A perfect example: A friend was telling me about how he had recently helped a friend’s husband fine-tune his resume. It was time-consuming, but he was happy to help. The next day he had invited the couple to a small event in support of another friend. The couple turned up and helped themselves to the free drinks. After 15 minutes the husband left. The wife spent the next half hour in the corner with her BlackBerry. Neither participated in the event, and my friend was not only embarrassed that he had brought them, but disappointed that it was deemed acceptable for him to spend his working hours on the husband’s resume when he couldn’t bother to mingle and participate for an hour. Next time he won’t be so quick to offer help.

You needn’t be cursing up a storm to be viewed as rude and uncivil. Failing to engage or consider how our behavior affects others is a far more persistent threat to our social interactions. Next time, take a step back and think about what sort of message you are sending. If you’re coming off as bored or ungrateful, it’s time for an attitude adjustment.

Office Etiquette During the Holidays

Last week the Wall Street Journal posted a fantastic article on holiday etiquette for office workers. While Christmas is just a few days away, it’s important to remember that you can’t just drop work completely. Some things can’t wait until the New Year, and if you’re on the clock it’s bad form to turn up late and spend the work day filling out holiday cards instead of tackling your in box. Below are a few reminders mentioned in the article, along with a few of my own.

-Observe your boss’s vacation. If the big fish has “gone fishin’,” allow him or her to relax instead of running to them with minor questions. If there is a critical situation going on, you should reach out, but otherwise use your best judgment or consult the person who is second in command. Also, don’t wait until your boss is halfway out the door to bring up important work issues. If you need direction or have an announcement, alert them as soon as you can and ahead of their vacation.

If you happen to be in charge, respect your employees’ vacation time and don’t barrage them with work emails and calls during their absence.

-Show up on time. I’ve heard so many friends brag that since their boss has left on vacation, they’ve been crawling into work at noon and spending the day online shopping and checking Facebook. Trust me, the boss has eyes and ears out there and this kind of slacking off doesn’t go unnoticed. Even if work is slow, use the time to be productive, even if that means reorganizing your desk or brainstorming new ideas for the next quarter. You can also use the time to network, learn more about your industry, or help out a colleague.

-Give people notice of your vacation. There’s nothing more annoying than working on an important project with someone and then suddenly getting their vacation auto-responder when you email them. Taking leave is understandable, but have the courtesy to alert your contacts on any pending projects that you will be out of the office. At least two or three days is recommended. I like to touch base with my clients before the holidays just to make sure that there is nothing they need before I go away.

Have a wonderful holiday, everyone!