Be a Good Dinner Companion

About a year ago I had a dinner meeting with a woman who was interested in doing business together. She didn’t know Atlanta well, so she asked me to pick a restaurant and make the reservation. I chose a great little place that was centrally located, famed for its delicious cuisine, and elegant without being expensive or stuffy.

I was happy with my choice, but from the moment we sat down the woman could only complain about every little thing. The service was too slow. She didn’t like the table décor. The wine list wasn’t extensive enough, and there weren’t enough dishes to accommodate her gluten-free diet (which she hadn’t mentioned when she asked me to pick a place). I felt that everything had been lovely—besides the company. I knew right then and there that I didn’t want to work with someone who was so critical.

Complaining and whining and just generally being difficult can really affect how people see you. Who wants to dine with someone who is rude to the waitstaff or can’t take half a second to appreciate the moment? Even if the restaurant was truly terrible, it’s unproductive to complain about it the entire time. I’d rather deal with the issue and then move on with a shrug and a smile. I’m sure this woman’s aggressiveness had been an asset in her career, but it rubbed me the wrong way. I felt embarrassed at her behavior and anxious to call it a night.

The next time you’re dining out or socializing with others, wait a moment before voicing a complaint. Are you being petty? Are you just venting because you’ve had a bad day? Will whining actually make the situation better? Or should you shrug it off and try to be good company? I vote for the latter!

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Are Gossip and Negativity Hurting Your Image?

A friend of mine shared with me about a dinner party she attended a few months ago. The party was thrown by a couple, and the guests included the husband’s sister and her husband. My friend thought they were perfectly nice, but when she popped into the kitchen to help with the dishes, the hostess began griping about how irritating her in-laws were (he’d had too much wine, she hadn’t offered to help, etc.). Another guest came into the kitchen to lend a hand and the hostess continued her rant about the in-laws. My friend did not think it was appropriate to criticize someone who was sitting just a few feet away, and tried to defuse the situation by changing the subject.

Another couple had to leave the party right after dessert because they had small children. As the remaining guests lingered over coffee, the hosts then started gossiping about how the couple raises their children. Soon they were sniping about petty things that had annoyed them during the meal. It made my friend very uncomfortable and she thought it best to call it a night. After all, if the hosts had no qualms about complaining about other guests—including their own family members!—in front of everyone, it would be just a matter of time before she became their target.

Gossiping or criticizing others in the presence of others is in bad taste. It makes you look petty and negative, and makes others wonder what you are saying about them when their back is turned. And in a social gathering, it makes everyone feel awkward and tense.

Of course it’s natural to need to vent to someone, like a spouse or best friend. After all, we’re not going to like every person we meet. But to air your dirty laundry in public, or invite someone into your home and then gripe about them the whole time, shows a real lack of civility. Bite your tongue—and instead of obsessing about the negatives, think about the positive things that happened. Did you sister-in-law drive you crazy? Maybe. But if the meal was incredible and the conversation engaging, isn’t it better to focus on that?

A Week Without Complaining?

Recently I was visiting with some friends and, though I was having a great time, I must have felt frustrated by the weather, feeling tired, and everything else on my plate. Well, let me tell you that it didn’t go unnoticed. When I spoke up to quibble about some minor irritation, my friend pointed out that I’d been complaining about every little thing! Her comment took me aback, but I realized that my petty whines had made it seem like I was totally miserable. Not exactly good company, huh?

Inspired by that “wake up call” and a few bloggers that I’ve read about, I’m pledging to go complaint-free for a full week. Care to join me? Sometimes we don’t realize that letting little things getting under our skin and moaning about it makes us appear unhappy, unpleasant, and even rude. The neighbor is being too loud? If it’s not interrupting your sleep, let it slide. The restaurant is out of the dish you specifically came to eat? Try something else. You’re too busy? Take a deep breath, count to 10, and remember that some people don’t have jobs or families to keep them occupied.

I’m looking forward to biting my tongue, shrugging off those little irritations, and engaging in conversations that are more positive, upbeat, and meaningful. It’s a great way to focus on the moment and be grateful for the things that are going right, not the things that are going wrong.

Now, who’s with me?